Jennifer Lopez and her "private" private life

“Jennifer Lopez: No more 'soap opera'
Singer and actress wants to keep private life private”

Celebrities. You gotta love ‘em.

"I don't want to talk about anything that is personal or private at all, because what's the use? You're open with people, and then they try and make a soap opera out of your life," Lopez said in an interview with The Associated Press, according to CNN.com.

Well, J-Lo, I’ll tell you what. If fame is such a drag, and if you don’t want the press talking about you and making your life a soap opera, here’s some advice:

STAY OUT OF THE LIMELIGHT!

I mean, come on. What is it that 99.9% of celebrities crave more than life itself? ATTENTION!

So, suppose we, the public, give you what you seek. Suppose we turn a deaf ear to your latest dating exploits and bizarre barely-there outfits that you proudly parade before TV cameras at social events. Suppose we bypass the next People with you and your latest hunk emblazoned on the cover.

What’s going to happen? Do you suppose your popularity will WANE?

There are real artistic geniuses out there who can walk into the supermarket without being recognized. Why? Because they truly keep their private life private. What’s the price they pay? Their popularity may be limited to their real fans, not the shallow masses who crave a glimpse of skin or an Entertainment Tonight vignette.

In other words, Van Morrison sells fewer albums that Jennifer Lopez. Mary Steenburgen can’t command the astronomical movie salaries that Jennifer Lopez can.

So, here’s hoping that your move towards a “private” private life works out for you, J-Lo. You're going to have to rely on your actual talent. I hope you can deal with the drop in income.