Al Gore launches a TV network

“SAN FRANCISCO - Al Gore, the former U.S. vice president, has announced the launch of a new cable TV channel, Current, made by and for young people.”

At this point, I apologize in advance to liberals. Don’t worry, I promise to poke fun at conservatives soon.

Jump ahead a year:

Joe Shlabotnik, spokesman for Current, the cable channel made by and for young people, stated in a press conference that the network’s poor performance in the ratings war was the result of skewed Nielsen procedures that discriminated against their audience.

“Basically, our viewers were systematically shut out of the Nielsen ratings. They have been disenfranchised!”

Shlabotnik went on to describe the process by which Current’s audience was cheated at the Nielsen polls.

“Our viewers have a hard time figuring out their remote controls. Here in San Francisco, we’re cable channel 124. Everybody is used to typing 123, as in the first three numbers. I mean, it’s natural. You punch in a 1, then a 2, what’s next? 3, of course! So instead of tuning into Current, they tune into The History Channel. They have been deliberately deceived!”

Shlabotnik went on to describe additional deceptions.

“Not only that, but the online TV guide is against us as well. The channel number is WAY over to the left side of the screen, and the listings are WAY over to the right. Our viewers get confused! It’s not their fault they end up at HBO or ESPN, when they obviously want to watch our far superior and more intelligent programming!”

In a related announcement, Current is suing the Nielsen Corporation for skewed rating results, and is demanding several recounts. The case is expected to make it to the Supreme Court.